Back.
So, we were or at least I was going back and forth over the past years of my life and trying to figure out why it is such that I ended up or seem to be ending up a starkly different individual than I thought I would be. Was it because I became too mellow at times and gullible at others? Or was it that I allowed the notion of what others thought I could become outweigh what I wanted to become? The answer either ways makes me lose my individuality and hence is not so important.
I think what happens as we are growing up is that the number of factors affecting our lives keep on increasing and it really depends on us as to what should be prioritised over the others....and to allow ourselves to take that 'priority' decision by ourselves rather than our peers / parents / others, however painful that might be. And of course, one of my learnings has been that it makes no sense, ever, to give up, because life is not irreversible in so many ways. We can never go back but we can always go forward. But at times, we get so stuck in our mistakes that we do not allow ourselves to go ahead of them. It is like that one time, when you wish you would have acted otherwise or said otherwise or just been another person who would have reacted more sanely than you did.
But then I am not that person who would know the answer all the time, or who would always be right and who would always know when is the right time to do the right thing. I goof up and am learning to love my goofed up self. Not to justify my mistakes but to be empathetic towards them.
To chase my ideal world not as a haloed divine place which can only be aspired to, but as the yellowed pages of an old dog-eared novel, which we often read to discover something new in it which we can identify with. To come across instances in that book which reflect our mistakes and also gently remind us of all those things that we should accept as learnings and not just mere sermons.
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